BIPOLAR SOBER / TOOLBOX / ON STIGMA
LABELS. ASSUMPTIONS. SHAME.
AND OTHER PEOPLE THINKING
THEY KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
Bipolar. Addict. Alcoholic. Sober. Mentally ill.
A label can describe something real without describing everything about the person carrying it.
Stigma happens when people take one piece of information and use it to write the rest of your story for you.
A DIAGNOSIS CAN DESCRIBE SOMETHING ABOUT YOU.
IT DOESN'T GET TO DESCRIBE ALL OF YOU.
Once somebody knows a diagnosis or a history, everything can suddenly get interpreted through it.
"YOU'RE UPSET? MUST BE THE BIPOLAR."
"YOU'RE EXCITED? ARE YOU MANIC?"
"YOU HAD AN ADDICTION? CAN I TRUST YOU?"
"YOU DON'T DRINK? WHAT HAPPENED?"
"YOU TAKE MEDICATION? ARE YOU OKAY?"
Sometimes people are genuinely trying to understand. Sometimes they're ignorant. Sometimes they're scared. Sometimes they're just being assholes.
Their assumption is still not automatically a fact.
The nastiest version of stigma isn't always somebody saying something shitty to you.
Sometimes you've heard the message enough that you start saying it to yourself.
STIGMA SAYS
I'M FUCKED UP.
REALITY
I'M DEALING WITH SOME FUCKING HARD THINGS.
STIGMA SAYS
MY PAST PROVES WHO I AM.
REALITY
MY PAST IS PART OF MY STORY, NOT THE END OF IT.
There's a difference between taking responsibility for something and turning it into your identity.
ACCOUNTABILITY
I DID SOMETHING THAT HURT ME OR SOMEONE ELSE.
SHAME
I AM A BAD PERSON.
Accountability gives you somewhere to go: acknowledge it, repair what you can, learn something, change your behavior.
Shame just keeps pointing at you and saying, "See? This is what you fucking are."
YOU CAN OWN WHAT YOU DID
WITHOUT BECOMING WHAT YOU DID.
You don't owe every person you meet your complete medical, psychiatric, addiction, or recovery history.
Disclosure can be useful, connecting, necessary, or freeing in some situations. In others, privacy is completely reasonable.
Why do I want to tell this person?
What do they actually need to know?
Have they shown that they can handle personal information responsibly?
What am I hoping will happen after I tell them?
Am I comfortable if their reaction isn't the one I want?
PRIVACY IS NOT THE SAME
FUCKING THING AS SHAME.
Bipolar disorder gets flattened into caricatures: unpredictable, unstable, dramatic, dangerous, impossible to trust, impossible to understand.
A diagnosis can help explain patterns of symptoms. It does not automatically explain every emotion, argument, opinion, decision, personality trait, or bad fucking day.
Addiction can leave behind consequences. Some of them don't disappear just because you're sober.
Recovery doesn't require pretending the past didn't happen. But neither does accountability require permanently freezing yourself as the person you were at your worst.
RECOVERY MEANS CHANGE IS POSSIBLE.
OTHERWISE WHAT THE FUCK
WOULD WE BE DOING HERE?
Not every opinion deserves equal weight.
They actually know you.
They want you well.
They tell you difficult things respectfully.
They understand the situation.
Their feedback helps you see something useful.
They barely know you.
They're operating from stereotypes.
They're trying to shame you.
They refuse to acknowledge change.
They're committed to misunderstanding you.
Sometimes you want to educate somebody. Sometimes you want to correct them. Sometimes you want to explain.
And sometimes the correct response is absolutely fucking nothing.
CORRECT IT
"That's not actually what bipolar disorder means."
BOUNDARY
"I'm not discussing my diagnosis with you."
CLARIFY
"Are you asking me, or are you assuming?"
EXIT
"I'm done with this conversation."
You get to decide whether a conversation deserves your energy.
What labels do I use against myself?
Whose voice do those labels sound like?
What do I believe my diagnosis says about me?
What do I believe my addiction history says about me?
Am I confusing consequences with identity?
What evidence exists that I've changed?
What would I say to somebody else with my exact history?
YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BE MORE COMPLICATED THAN THE LABEL.
Take responsibility for what belongs to you. Keep learning. Keep changing. Keep recovering. And stop carrying every assumption somebody else tries to hand you.
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