BIPOLAR SOBER / TOOLBOX / ON SCIATICA
PAIN. LIMITATIONS. FRUSTRATION.
AND TRYING TO HAVE A FUCKING LIFE ANYWAY.
Physical pain doesn't stay neatly inside one part of your body. It can change how you sleep, move, think, work, socialize, concentrate, and deal with everything else happening in your life.
When pain keeps demanding your attention, ordinary things can suddenly require way more energy than they used to.
YOU CAN ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THIS FUCKING SUCKS
WITHOUT MAKING IT YOUR ENTIRE IDENTITY.
One of the strangest parts of physical limitations is remembering when you didn't have to think about them.
Walking somewhere. Bending down. Standing around. Going out. Cleaning. Exercising. Sleeping.
Things that used to be automatic can become calculations.
Being angry or sad about that doesn't mean you've given up. Sometimes you're grieving something that genuinely changed.
A bad pain day has a nasty habit of turning itself into a prediction.
THE THOUGHT
IT'S THIS BAD TODAY. MY LIFE IS FUCKED.
THE RESET
IT'S THIS BAD TODAY. TODAY IS WHAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH.
You don't have to solve the rest of your life from the middle of today's worst moment.
Feeling a little better can make it tempting to do every single thing you've been unable to do.
Then your body sends you the bill.
Decide what actually needs to happen today.
Break bigger jobs into smaller pieces.
Build breaks into the plan instead of waiting until you're wrecked.
Notice what tends to make the rest of the day significantly harder.
Let "enough for today" actually be enough.
When your body can't do what your brain planned, it's easy to interpret the difference as laziness or failure.
But capacity changes.
"I COULD HAVE DONE MORE"
IS NOT THE SAME AS
"DOING MORE WOULD HAVE BEEN GOOD FOR ME."
Some days are productive days. Some days are maintenance days. Some days the assignment is simply getting through the fucking day.
Independence can turn into stubbornness pretty quickly when asking for help feels like admitting defeat.
Help doesn't have to mean surrendering your independence. Sometimes it means saving your limited energy for the shit only you can do.
Be specific about what would actually help.
Stop apologizing five times for having a physical limitation.
Use accommodations and tools that make life easier when they're available.
Save your energy for things that matter more than proving you can suffer independently.
Not every limitation is visible. And people who aren't inside your body don't automatically understand what something costs you physically.
You don't have to perform pain convincingly enough to earn permission to take care of yourself.
THEY DON'T HAVE TO FEEL IT
FOR YOU TO FUCKING FEEL IT.
Persistent pain can affect mood, stress, patience, sleep, concentration, and how much emotional bandwidth you have left.
And when you're already dealing with mental health or recovery, physical pain can become another thing your coping system has to carry.
Notice when pain is changing your mood.
Notice when poor sleep is making everything feel worse.
Notice when frustration starts becoming hopelessness.
Notice when pain starts making old escape behaviors look attractive again.
The earlier you notice the connection, the earlier you can use whatever support belongs in your actual treatment and recovery plan.
Physical pain can make the desire for immediate relief incredibly loud.
If pain has been connected to drinking, using, or other escape behaviors before, don't wait until you're desperate to decide how you're going to cope with a bad pain day.
Those aren't always the same thing.
PAIN MAY BE THE TRIGGER.
THE NEXT MOVE IS STILL A CHOICE.
MAYBE MINE
How I structure today.
Whether I ask for help.
Whether I use my coping tools.
Whether I communicate my limits.
Whether I follow my treatment plan.
How I talk to myself about this.
NOT MINE
Having pain today.
Other people's opinions about it.
How quickly my body improves.
Everything I wish I could do.
The fact that this is frustrating.
Knowing exactly what the future looks like.
Coping tools can help you live through pain. They aren't a substitute for getting medical symptoms evaluated or following an appropriate treatment plan.
Keep track of meaningful changes in symptoms and bring them to the professionals treating you instead of assuming you just have to tough everything out.
"I CAN COPE WITH THIS"
DOESN'T MEAN
"I SHOULDN'T GET CARE FOR THIS."
What is my body telling me today?
What actually needs to happen?
What can be changed, shortened, postponed, or delegated?
What is the pain doing to my mood and thinking?
Who or what do I need today?
What would tell me I've done enough for today?
YOUR BODY CAN LIMIT WHAT YOU DO WITHOUT DEFINING WHO YOU ARE.
Adjust the plan. Ask for help. Be pissed off when you're pissed off. Take care of the body you're actually living in — not the one you think you should have today.
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