BIPOLAR SOBER / TOOLBOX / IFS
WHO THE FUCK IS TALKING?
YOU HAVE PARTS.
NONE OF THEM ARE ALL OF YOU.
YOU ARE
NOT ONE
THING.
Internal Family Systems, or IFS, looks at the mind as having different parts — different patterns, reactions, emotions, beliefs, and ways of trying to protect you.
One part wants to get your shit together. Another wants to disappear. One wants connection. Another wants everyone to leave you the fuck alone.
HAVING CONTRADICTORY PARTS
DOESN'T MAKE YOU A CONTRADICTION.
WHO'S
BEHIND THE
NOISE?
In IFS, Self is the grounded place from which you can notice your parts without immediately becoming consumed by them.
Self is associated with qualities like curiosity, compassion, calm, clarity, confidence, courage, creativity, and connection.
You don't have to feel perfectly calm to access Self. Sometimes the first sign of Self is simply being able to say:
WHAT'S GOING
ON HERE?
WHO JUST
TOOK THE
FUCKING WHEEL?
When your reaction feels intense, automatic, familiar, or completely out of proportion to what's happening, get curious before you start fighting yourself.
What am I feeling right now?
Where do I feel it in my body?
What does this part want me to do?
What does it believe will happen if I don't?
What is it trying to protect me from?
EVERYBODY'S
GOT A
FUCKING JOB.
IFS assumes that even the parts causing problems are usually trying to accomplish something.
THE CONTROLLER
Tries to keep everything organized, predictable, and under control so nothing can go wrong.
THE CRITIC
Attacks you first because it thinks criticism might prevent rejection, failure, or humiliation.
THE ESCAPER
Wants relief immediately. Numb it, avoid it, leave it, distract from it — anything but feel it.
THE ANGRY ONE
Uses anger to protect boundaries, vulnerability, fear, hurt, or powerlessness.
THE IMPULSIVE ONE
Wants the reward, relief, excitement, or escape right fucking now.
THE PERFECTIONIST
Believes being flawless might finally make you safe from failure or judgment.
These aren't official personality types you need to fit into. They're examples. Your parts may look completely different.
STEP
THE FUCK
BACK.
When a part completely takes over, IFS calls that being blended with the part.
Unblending doesn't mean making the feeling disappear. It means creating enough distance to notice that the feeling is happening without treating it as your entire identity.
BLENDED
I AM FUCKING FURIOUS.
UNBLENDING
A PART OF ME IS REALLY FUCKING ANGRY.
Tiny wording change. Huge difference.
ASK BEFORE
YOU FUCKING
ATTACK.
Instead of immediately trying to shut a part up, argue with it, or get rid of it, ask what it's doing.
What are you afraid would happen if you stopped doing this?
What are you trying to protect me from?
When did you learn that this was necessary?
What do you need me to understand?
What would help you trust me enough to step back a little?
INTERNAL
TUG OF
WAR.
Sometimes two parts are pulling in completely opposite directions.
I NEED TO GET MY SHIT TOGETHER.
I CAN'T FUCKING DO THIS ANYMORE.
Or one part wants connection while another wants isolation. One wants sobriety while another desperately wants relief. One wants to spend money while another is terrified about money.
Instead of deciding one part is good and the other is bad, ask what each side is afraid will happen if the other side wins.
WHAT DOES
THIS PART
WANT?
When an urge shows up — drinking, getting high, spending, shopping, escaping, blowing something up, or doing something impulsive — you can examine the function of the urge without automatically obeying it.
WHAT DO I WANT TO DO?
↓WHAT WOULD THAT GIVE ME RIGHT NOW?
↓RELIEF? ESCAPE? CONTROL? EXCITEMENT? NUMBNESS?
↓WHAT IS THE PART TRYING TO PROTECT ME FROM?
↓CAN I MEET THAT NEED WITHOUT DOING THE THING?
UNDERSTANDING THE PART
DOESN'T MEAN LETTING IT DRIVE.
COMPASSION
ISN'T A
FREE PASS.
Understanding why a part did something does not erase the consequences of what happened.
You can understand the fear, pain, anger, or desperation underneath a behavior and still take responsibility for the behavior itself.
WHY I DID IT
AND STILL OWN
THAT I DID IT.
PARTS
AREN'T
EPISODES.
IFS can be useful for exploring your internal reactions, conflicts, beliefs, and coping patterns.
But mania, depression, mixed episodes, and psychosis are not simply "parts" that need to be listened to or unblended from. Bipolar disorder involves mood episodes that may require psychiatric and medical treatment.
IFS CAN BE A TOOL.
IT DOESN'T REPLACE BIPOLAR TREATMENT.
WHO'S
TALKING
RIGHT NOW?
NOTICE
What am I feeling or wanting to do?
SEPARATE
Can I say "a part of me feels..." instead of "I am..."?
ASK
What is this part trying to accomplish?
LISTEN
What is it afraid would happen if it stopped?
RESPOND
What does this part actually need from me?
CHOOSE
What do I want to do now that the part isn't making the decision alone?
LISTEN TO YOUR PARTS. YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAND THEM THE KEYS.
GET CURIOUS.
STEP BACK.
THEN CHOOSE.
The loudest voice in your head doesn't automatically get to make the decision.
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