BIPOLAR SOBER / ADDICTION / TRIGGERS
ON TRIGGERS.
THE PAIN. THE MOODS. THE FUCK-ITS.
KNOW WHAT SETS YOU OFF.
01 / HANDLE WITH CARE
KNOW THE
TRIGGER.
RESPECT IT.
“You must unlearn what you have learned.”
— Yoda
We were on private property up County Road 87J, shooting at paper targets in the woods. After carefully aiming a small pistol, I proudly hit the target. Richard had told me it had no safety and a hair trigger, so I handled it gingerly and returned it with deliberate care.
I keep that attitude about my recovery.
A bottle, a backache, a boring evening, or a character cracking open a beer on TV. Nice weather or a snowstorm. Being alone or being around friends. Triggers can show up in ordinary life and inside your own head.
Knowing yours means noticing what happens before drinking starts sounding like a great idea.
02 / PHYSICAL PAIN
YOU NEED
RELIEF.
NOW.
Pain is your biggest trigger.
Your back hurts, your legs burn, your ankle feels on fire, and your foot goes numb. You calculate how long you can stand or walk and whether doing something now will leave you hurting later.
Relief feels inadequate, appointments are days away, and you are tired of waiting. Alcohol starts promising a break from your body demanding attention.
The restrictions add their own weight. You miss walking, riding a bicycle, skateboarding, and finishing a task without negotiating with pain. Watching other people move easily through their lives can feel infuriating.
NOTICE WHEN “I NEED RELIEF”
BECOMES “I DESERVE A DRINK.”
Your need for relief deserves attention. Use your established pain plan and tell your care team when it is not enough. Let someone know when pain begins turning into permission to drink.
03 / MOOD EPISODES
TOO LOW.
TOO FAST.
TOO MUCH.
Depression can last for months. You move through the same rooms with the same heaviness, wanting something to anticipate and an evening that feels different. Alcohol seems to offer that change.
Mania brings racing thoughts, relentless activity, and impulsivity. You get the fuck-its, and the reasons to wait become harder to hold onto. Drinking can start sounding like a way to settle everything down.
Mixed symptoms can leave you miserable and pacing, wanting to flee without knowing where you would go. Your thoughts will not stop, and you cannot comfortably sit with yourself.
Sometimes the trigger is the urgency itself: something has to change right fucking now.
Recognize what alcohol is promising without assuming it can safely deliver it. Tell your treatment team about changes in your mood and impulses, and involve support before the urge becomes a plan.
04 / ANGRY OR RESTLESS
FUCK THIS.
NOW WHAT?
Traffic, a broken website, code that will not work, or a task that should have been simple can become the final inconvenience you cannot stand. You start replaying everything else that has gone wrong.
Notice when frustration with one situation becomes a verdict on the entire day. The anger builds, and you want something to calm you down immediately.
Boredom belongs here, too. You do not need a crisis to want a drink. Sometimes you are tired of being home, tired of your options, and ready for something to happen.
Pain makes that harder when walking, exercising, or getting out are not realistic options. When you cannot go anywhere, it can seem easier to teleport your head someplace instead.
WHAT WOULD HELP YOU FEEL
LESS TRAPPED TONIGHT?
05 / LOSING YOUR SAY
YOUR LIFE.
SOMEONE
ELSE’S
SCHEDULE.
Depending on someone for a ride or practical help means their availability can determine what you do and when. A changed plan can bring disappointment, anxiety, and the feeling that your choices are disappearing.
Uncertainty adds another layer. Health, money, finding a job, and the future leave you with questions you cannot answer. You want to know things will improve—and when.
You can spend hours trying to think your way into certainty. Drinking starts sounding like a way to stop the questions.
Ask what is within reach today: one practical action, a backup plan, an honest conversation, or a break from trying to solve the whole future tonight.
06 / THE BUILDUP
IT ADDS
THE FUCK
UP.
Shame can become a trigger long after an event. You remember money spent, decisions made, or consequences you cannot undo. Then you talk to yourself like someone you cannot stand. You want distance from that voice.
Triggers can accumulate. Pain interrupts your sleep. You have less patience. A plan falls through. You feel stuck, start criticizing yourself, and remember alcohol as an easy way to change the evening.
By the time you notice the craving, several things may already be feeding it.
Listen for the language of permission: you deserve a break, nobody would blame you, just tonight, you will deal with it tomorrow. Fuck it.
Those thoughts are worth taking seriously. Tell someone when you notice yourself making the case for drinking.
07 / LEARN YOUR PATTERNS
CATCH THE
BUILDUP.
GET SUPPORT.
Keep a brief account of what happened before an urge: where you were, what you felt, what you told yourself, and what you wanted drinking to change.
Look for patterns with curiosity. You are gathering information that can help you recognize the buildup earlier next time.
Pain needs care. Loneliness may need connection. A concerning mood change needs your treatment team’s attention. Bargaining is a reason to use the supports and relapse plans you have already prepared.
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO WAIT
UNTIL YOU DECIDE TO DRINK
BEFORE ASKING FOR HELP.
You will not catch everything early. When you do recognize a trigger, let it guide your response instead of becoming another reason to judge yourself.
KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING.
NOTICE IT.
NAME IT.
RESPOND.
You do not have to eliminate every difficult feeling or avoid ordinary life to protect your recovery.
Learn what makes drinking feel appealing and what you need during those moments.
Start with the experience in front of you. Give yourself room to choose your next step with support.
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